So, I don’t know if I’ve ever talked about him before.. but Ethan, a guy that I’ve known for over a year and fell in love with ever since I’ve known him.. he took me back.
Let me explain: a couple weeks ago, I believe. A little bit after his birthday in April. Last year we hit it off and it was true love to me. I never got bored talking to him. He is super hot and sweet. He is very realistic and just…just amazing. Whenever I’m talking to him I can’t find the words, they get all jumbled in my mouth.
Anyways, near last September-ish he dumped me. I fell into depression and ended up in the hospital. He said he didn’t love me. But after about another month passed I started talking to him again, claimed we could “just be friends”. I was really just looking to win his heart back. He went through a couple of other girls, I guess one of the girls told him I threatened her. I could’ve sworn that I didn’t say shit to her. And on his social profile there was a picture of me, she commented on it saying that I was ugly as fuck. I got mad at him because he didn’t say anything back to her. And I was just so mad at him, for…everything. He was just throwing around the three most important words in the universe like he knew what he was talking about. He even told the girl that called me ugly that he loved her. He talked about her ass and everything else. Personally, I think she looked like a twig, she was pretty on the outside. But on the inside……..
Anyways, to him her ass was perfect. I did a little bit of stalking on her profile and before him she was sending nude pictures to every guy that came into contact with her. Plus she was bisexual, but it seemed like she was just pretending. It really just broke my heart that he loves every girl that he dates.
I don’t know what to think right now. At this moment, as I talk to him, as he tells me he loves me. I can’t help but doubt him. Does he truly love me? And how does he love me? What changed since last year and now? He loved me last April through August. He stopped loving me in September. Now he loves me again…
I’m so completely and utterly lost.
And for that matter. What is love? (That song is the best song ever. Never Shout Never- What Is Love? … Check it out!) But seriously. How do you know your in love?
My definition of love doesn’t have a definition. If that makes any sense. I thought I just knew. But I just don’t. Maybe no one will ever truly know.