I got my medicine today. I lied about how depressed I was…
Drinking the whole bottle should do the trick. I’ll look more into an easier way, though. Because I think it is tough for prozac to kill you, but it has happened.
I’m going to work on the letters before the week ends. I’m going hiking this weekend with my mom and family on Saturday, if I can’t get away from them on the hike then I’ll do it on monday 10-6-14. I think I’m going tell Ethan that I’m doing it. I want him to get better..I want him to do something in his life.
I do not know about John..I am lost. I am lost without him. He said himself that human beings are selfish! I am selfish. I wanted him as a friend, I wanted to find love within him again..I wanted to have children with him. After losing the first… I want a child. But that will never happen. Now I will not get a bundle of joy. Now I will never feel another life inside of me. I won’t ever get to run my hands through my daughter’s beautiful hair. I will never be worried about what type of pads to get her or what dress to buy her for homecoming or whether the boy or girl she is going with is suitable for my baby girl. Watching my baby boy grow taller than me and treat everything with care and protect everything dear to him.
None of that will happen…
It is probably for the best with the state I am in. I’m not stable enough to take care of a child. And I definitely can not do it by myself. After everything that has happened, I am not sure that John would stay if I was to have a child… I’m not sure of anything now.
I still love him. I’ll always love him.