About an hour ago, I realized maybe I do want just a little attention. Just to be acknowledged that I was there. Only for a little bit. But I understand, and I would like to be alright with my mom not even noticing me. I mean, I can’t really blame her. She has five demons for kids and an ex-husband who has two that were conceived when they were together. But that’s the catch, because there always has to be a catch. They aren’t hers.
My mom has had to endure my dad and his bullshit for 17 years. Only about four years ago they got divorced. And about two years ago actually broke up. He has dragged her into his problems for so long. Now my mom is just crazy. I would be to if a lying, cheating, rotten thing of a man raped me and claimed me as his without my say in happiness. While also dragging along a homewrecker.
And it isn’t just her that I might want attention from for a little while. I might want a couple glances in the halls at school. Or for someone to sit down with me at lunch and talk about.. I don’t know, the weather! It would be nice to have more than one friend. Though I am very grateful for Julia. I feel like such a complete outcast. And sometimes I try to stand out. But that only backfires. Well, I’ll be back in a minute, going to brush my teeth.