I think I’m falling into my mothers footsteps. Just laying on my bed eating my problems away. I feel fat but isn’t that normal for a teenage girl? I mean I’m a whooping 125 pounds. I think that’s normal. Anyways, while eating my problems away I’m talking to my ex. I see a problem with that sentence. “Talking” and “ex” should never be in the same sentence unless it’s accompanied with a “if that cunt ever talks to me again”. But lets face the facts here, I think I still love him. Well as much in love as a teenage girl can get. Even after he cheated on me and lied to me. Ok so I guess I need to back up a little bit…
Angell met me a little after he got out of his group home. We knew each other before but never really kicked it off. So he’s asking if we can go out in October. I’m like, sure! Why the hell not? It’s about a month or so and it’s going fairly well, a little boring but still good. Come the end of December he gets antsy and asks if I’d ever cheat on him. And he knows I despise cheaters so I look a little bit more into this. Mid January I find this post on his Facebook from his ex. And it shows he liked it. I got all mad but I soon calmed down figuring I was looking too much into it. I made myself forget about it because I’m always over-thinking things. One day one of my acquaintances bring it up. I ask Angell about it and he blurts out “Did you talk to her?” Of coarse I didn’t talk to her but now the big red sirens are flashing in my head. He explains that the girl thinks they are still together and he has told her before that they aren’t. I’m pissed, so I send this not so polite message to her telling her that he is mine. He gets angry after he finds out. At that point I’m confused as fuck. The truth comes out in the next few days and I find out he has been with her through half our relationship. And since I sent that message “I ruined his life” because she was the second most important person to him, no doubt you already know who he chose to be with. So as you can see, this boy has broken my heart completely, he has made me feel like a worthless piece of shit, and on top of everything she isn’t even pretty.
About a month ago everything died down and I could talk to him without wanting to rip his throat out. I now know a couple of things I didn’t see when we were together. First, he’s as much as a cheating douchebag now than he was when we were together. I figured he would’ve learned his lesson with me but he didn’t. And I know this because he posted “single” on this site a while ago. When I knew for a fact that he definitely was not single. Second, he has his head stuck up his ass. Because even when the universe’s imaginary finger is pointing directly at me he won’t dump her and come to me. Now I don’t want to sound stuck up or rude but she only talks to him for about an hour a day because “she’s focusing on school”. And he’s also moved to Las Vegas, which is further away from her and a tad bit closer to me.
This all connects to my mother because it seems like my life is her shadow. My mom’s parents got divorced, she married a lying cheating skank bag in which she was in love with, even though he treated her like shit. See the pattern? I really don’ t want to be with this guy for 16 years just to realize he’ll never change. Because it’ll be too late by then, we’ll have kids and he’ll have a gazillion more than me because he can’t keep his dick to himself. I’ll just sit there and watch with my six kids, of which will be his.
If there is a god out there. Please don’t let that be me.