While trying to organize my side of the room. I got rid of silly little things that I’ve held on to for the past year. Something like knitted “coats” for pencils.
And my famous collection of Tilly’s magazines
I thought it was time to throw out what I’ve been trying to keep up with. The silly things I collect and all. It’s time I break my old habit of collecting bizarre things and things I can’t afford. Getting rid of your stuff is much harder than it looks. But now that I’ve done it, I feel like my room is a little bit more spacey than the last time I cleaned it! I will stick to the promises I made myself. After all, the only person I would be cheating out is myself. And no one likes a cheater.
You know that Dairy Queen blizzard in a waffle cone? It’s on commercial when your trying to watch TV and everywhere in the ads when your browsing on the interweb. Anyways, everyone over here has been talking about it so I thought it was time I went and try this new waffle cone. I go to Dairy Queen, waiting for them to make it. I start daydreaming about this tiny piece of heaven.
My dream consisted of this.
I finally get it, and what I got was…
I was so confused. I mean the tiny part I was correct, but this didn’t really look like a piece of heaven. I thought it would be waaaaay bigger. And the ice cream looks like you can get it from McDonalds. The waffle cone is supposed to be wider so that the ice cream can actually fit in it. And at least put the chunks of Oreo in it. This looks nothing like the ads picture of it. But I have to give them props for at least making the ice cream taste like Chick-fil-a’s milkshakes. And to be honest, I don’t even like waffle cones. So from now on I’m going to stick to the Oreo blizzard, which is what I normally get.
Attempting to cook this Hawaiian fish. I haven't done it before so I looked up what seasoning to put on it. I looked at a few articles and added all of the stuff together from all of the article. This is what I ended up putting on it:
- olive oil
- lime juice
- salt and pepper
- white wine
Unfortunately it didn’t cook all the way. But the liquid stuff that was made from what I mixed in the fish was amazing though. It smelled like heaven.
My sperm donor asked what I did yesterday. Naming off the things I did I noticed that I live a very boring life. My highlight of the day was when I found out Ames sent Marc to jail…..in the end of the book I was reading. I also got uber excited when I discovered the book that I won came in the mail.
- Finish reading Saving CeeCee Honeycutt
- Go to sleep at 7am
- Wake up at 11 am
- Post a review about Saving CeeCee Honeycutt on my book blog
- Start reading my library book
- Go to sleep
- Wake up to find my book came in the mail
- Finish my library book.
- Eat tacos
And this is the end of my super exciting adventure. It was to die for, right? Haha no pity. I’m just going to go wallow in my loneliness with my 2nd library book.
There’s guy. His name is Ethan. ( And this is indeed famous Mr. Honeycutt) I know for a fact that if he ever needed something I would try my very best to get it for him. We used to date, but it went terribly wrong. Well at least for him. It was last year the day before his birthday that we started talking. April 4, 2012. The day I started talking to him I knew he was a keeper. And about a week later we pulled it off. It was around 7th. And he treated me like I was the only girl in the world. I was drunk with love, all the time. And what’s even better is that he was beyond hot. He has these sexy cheekbones and his lips. Mmm. Anyways, we lasted for a while it was about September when we started having problems. The beginning of October he dumped me. I was so heartbroken, I ended up in the looney bin for a week. I finally asked him why he dumped me. His response? I wasn’t in love. The feeling definitely was NOT mutual. I loved that guy like I love cats. We still talked until two weeks ago. He’s distant now. But I would do anything to win him back, I miss the way he says my name and always wants to talk to me. He was my one and only. He was my prince charming in our perfect fairytale.
Damn, if love spells worked…He’s just fading away too fast.
I think I’m falling into my mothers footsteps. Just laying on my bed eating my problems away. I feel fat but isn’t that normal for a teenage girl? I mean I’m a whooping 125 pounds. I think that’s normal. Anyways, while eating my problems away I’m talking to my ex. I see a problem with that sentence. “Talking” and “ex” should never be in the same sentence unless it’s accompanied with a “if that cunt ever talks to me again”. But lets face the facts here, I think I still love him. Well as much in love as a teenage girl can get. Even after he cheated on me and lied to me. Ok so I guess I need to back up a little bit…
Angell met me a little after he got out of his group home. We knew each other before but never really kicked it off. So he’s asking if we can go out in October. I’m like, sure! Why the hell not? It’s about a month or so and it’s going fairly well, a little boring but still good. Come the end of December he gets antsy and asks if I’d ever cheat on him. And he knows I despise cheaters so I look a little bit more into this. Mid January I find this post on his Facebook from his ex. And it shows he liked it. I got all mad but I soon calmed down figuring I was looking too much into it. I made myself forget about it because I’m always over-thinking things. One day one of my acquaintances bring it up. I ask Angell about it and he blurts out “Did you talk to her?” Of coarse I didn’t talk to her but now the big red sirens are flashing in my head. He explains that the girl thinks they are still together and he has told her before that they aren’t. I’m pissed, so I send this not so polite message to her telling her that he is mine. He gets angry after he finds out. At that point I’m confused as fuck. The truth comes out in the next few days and I find out he has been with her through half our relationship. And since I sent that message “I ruined his life” because she was the second most important person to him, no doubt you already know who he chose to be with. So as you can see, this boy has broken my heart completely, he has made me feel like a worthless piece of shit, and on top of everything she isn’t even pretty.
About a month ago everything died down and I could talk to him without wanting to rip his throat out. I now know a couple of things I didn’t see when we were together. First, he’s as much as a cheating douchebag now than he was when we were together. I figured he would’ve learned his lesson with me but he didn’t. And I know this because he posted “single” on this site a while ago. When I knew for a fact that he definitely was not single. Second, he has his head stuck up his ass. Because even when the universe’s imaginary finger is pointing directly at me he won’t dump her and come to me. Now I don’t want to sound stuck up or rude but she only talks to him for about an hour a day because “she’s focusing on school”. And he’s also moved to Las Vegas, which is further away from her and a tad bit closer to me.
This all connects to my mother because it seems like my life is her shadow. My mom’s parents got divorced, she married a lying cheating skank bag in which she was in love with, even though he treated her like shit. See the pattern? I really don’ t want to be with this guy for 16 years just to realize he’ll never change. Because it’ll be too late by then, we’ll have kids and he’ll have a gazillion more than me because he can’t keep his dick to himself. I’ll just sit there and watch with my six kids, of which will be his.
If there is a god out there. Please don’t let that be me.
About an hour ago, I realized maybe I do want just a little attention. Just to be acknowledged that I was there. Only for a little bit. But I understand, and I would like to be alright with my mom not even noticing me. I mean, I can’t really blame her. She has five demons for kids and an ex-husband who has two that were conceived when they were together. But that’s the catch, because there always has to be a catch. They aren’t hers.
My mom has had to endure my dad and his bullshit for 17 years. Only about four years ago they got divorced. And about two years ago actually broke up. He has dragged her into his problems for so long. Now my mom is just crazy. I would be to if a lying, cheating, rotten thing of a man raped me and claimed me as his without my say in happiness. While also dragging along a homewrecker.
And it isn’t just her that I might want attention from for a little while. I might want a couple glances in the halls at school. Or for someone to sit down with me at lunch and talk about.. I don’t know, the weather! It would be nice to have more than one friend. Though I am very grateful for Julia. I feel like such a complete outcast. And sometimes I try to stand out. But that only backfires. Well, I’ll be back in a minute, going to brush my teeth.
A picture I took laying on the ground at the park beside my apartments. It’s a swing thingy. I get that it isn’t as good as professional stuff but I try.
Getting up for school. High school, it’s the worst. Especially if this mean girl named AJ and nosy, bitchy teachers (Mr.W, Coach, Mr.Yo Man! Mr. Key, and Mrs, P) are on your butt. Now I know that some of them are trying to help me. But I feel like such a burden to all of them by just being in their class. I would honestly like to believe that Mr. P is trying to help me this semester. The thought just didn’t stick with me when she failed me last semester, though. And I swear, I was at school in her class more than all of my classes. I did all of the work and I did it to completion. I got A’s on most of her assignments and if it wasn’t an A it was a B. So there was no reason I shouldn’t have passed her class.
Now Mr. W (Aka Lang Sais, because he looks exactly identical to him.) I can see why he’s a jerk to me. I don’t show up at his class now, and I didn’t really show up to his class then, either. It’s a shame, too. I loved Science, the very existence of everything fascinated me. And I showed up to his class a few weeks ago because the class was studying about Astronomy, thinking I was going to get hospitality. But no, all I got was hostility.
Mr. Youmen, pronounced kind of like “semen”, but I spell it Yo Man. He’s my math teacher. My math teacher last semester I liked much better. But I got switched math teachers because God hates me. I haven’t been to math since January. Besides the one time I went a few weeks ago, it also happened to be the time I was 30 minutes late to school. Trying to quietly slip in my seat, he turns his head and puts on this big fake smile and says, “Welcome back!”. I haven’t been back there since.
And Coach? I know she doesn’t want to fail me. I just don’t go to gym anymore. I feel bad for her. Like I let her down, but I guess the only person I should feel bad for is myself. There’s also this other teacher. Her name is Mrs. Foster, all she has ever done is try to help me, ever since I stepped foot in her classroom. She’s the only reason I used to go to school. Now… I feel like such a failure. Sitting here, at the park in 30 degree weather, while snow piles on my hat. Hm maybe I’ll put some of my depressing poetry out.
To introduce myself, I’m Jany. Most people would see me as “that girl”. You know, that girl who’s parents were divorced long before she found out about it. That girl who cuts and ran away from home. That girl with the mentally abusive father. Just a little introduction so I’m not just posting random stuff out of the blue for no apparent reason.
First impressions always get the best of folks.